Mulla Nasruddin shook hands with the future groom. “Congratulations,” he said, “on one of the happiest days of your life.” The future groom said, “But I’m not getting married until tomorrow!” Mulla responded, “I know. That’s what makes this one of your happiest days!”
Having observed many couples and their fights over petty things, I conclude that they should give space to each other to stay sane. It seems that the problem is that they are together too much…24/7, stifling each other, killing each other’s individuality! A few moments or hours or days or months of aloneness can be really nourishing for each partner.
Before people become couples, they have sweet dreams of how they will be together and their life would be fragrant all the way. But when they are too ‘together’, they smell the real stink in their relationship. They cannot stand each other!
A man told Osho about his wife and their constant conflict. Osho remarked, “Seems you can’t understand each other.” The man exclaimed, “Understand? I can’t even stand her!”
This is a harsh fact. Many couples feel that they cannot stand each other, even though theirs was a love marriage. They are in constant strife… Osho says that the very basis for this struggle is that we reduce relating to relationship. “Why are we in such a hurry? Because to us, to relate is insecure and relationship is security! A relationship has certainty while relating is just a meeting of strangers. We’re so afraid of uncertainty that we want to make it predictable. We like tomorrow to fit into our ideas. We don’t want freedom to have its say. So we reduce every verb to a noun.”
If you love a woman or man, you immediately start to think of marriage. Of making it a legal contract. Why? How does law enter love? Law enters love when there is no love! It’s only a fantasy, which you know can disappear. Before it disappears, do something so it becomes impossible to separate.
Osho elaborates: “In a more meditative world, people will love immensely but their love will be a ‘relating’, and not a ‘relationship’. But I don’t say their love will be momentary. Their love may go way deeper than yours, may be more intimate, may have more poetry and godliness… And it may last longer than your so-called relationship. But it won’t be guaranteed by law, courts or cops! The guarantee will be inner, a commitment from the heart, a silent communion.”
True love has to be a commitment from one heart to another. It does not need to be verbalized, because to verbalise it is to render it profane. It has to be a silent commitment—eye to eye, heart to heart, being to being. It has to be truly understood, not said.
- Swami Chaitanya Keerti
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